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Archive for the ‘Understanding’ Category

miWisdom today… Over long periods of time we invest a lot of time and emotional energy into other people. If suddenly these people were to betray us, it would no doubt hurt, and questions would need to be answered…

  • Can I still trust this person?
  • Can I learn to forgive them for their betrayal?
  • Can I learn to forget this incident?

Whether we can trust, forgive or forget all depends on the levels of our emotional investment we have given to this person over a lifetime and especially over recent times.

All our decisions, behaviours and actions in such instances will be influenced by the strength of our emotional bonds. When these bonds are solid and strong, we will continue to trust, forgive and probably forget. Is this right or wrong? Well that depends on the situation. What we must however be aware of, is that we are acting purely out of our personal emotional history with this person.

For instance, if two people were to betray us in exactly the same fashion, we would indeed look at their betrayal in a different light. The person with whom we invested a large amount of positive emotional energy over a long period of time, will more easily be forgiven, and the act forgotten. Yet the other person whom we invested little positive emotional energy may very well never be forgiven for their acts. The acts and intentions of these two people are exactly the same, yet our emotional connections dramatically alter our perceptions of their acts. Is one person’s act any better or worse than another? It all comes down to our perspective, and that emotional perspective is what we must keep in mind when confronted with betrayal.

When suddenly betrayed by another person, it might be helpful to ask yourself the following questions, after which you may better be able to determine whether to trust, forgive or forget…

  • What was the person’s real intention? – sometimes our intentions don’t mean to hurt others.
  • Is this an isolated incident or does this person have a history of partaking in these kinds of acts?
  • What is the level of my emotional bond with this person?
  • How is this bond affecting my perspective of this situation?
  • If I had a low level emotional connection with this person, how would I feel about their act at this very moment?
  • If I had a very high level emotional connection with this person, how would I feel about their act at this very moment?
  • If I was to separate myself from this emotional connection and look at this situation from an outsiders perspective, how would I feel about it?
  • Should I allow my personal history or lack of personal history with this person to affect my perspective of this incident?
  • What is it that really matters most here? Is it my dignity and pride, or is keeping this relationship moving forward more important?
  • Given all the benefits I have gained from this relationship over time, should I allow this one incident to tarnish a history of goodwill that have benefited both of us in so many ways?
  • What needs to happen specifically for me to learn to trust and forgive this person? Can I learn ever to forget?

If you have a similar learning experience or would like to add to the list of questions, you may do so by commenting below.

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miWisdom today… When one is angry, that anger is only the external manifestation of a hidden self-conscious emotion trying to express itself, trying to get noticed, while seeking healing, comfort and support.

Instead of getting upset at others because of their anger, it is best to try and understand them, to get a sense as to where they might be hurting, a sense for their hidden pain which is in actuality manifesting externally into angry and potentially hurtful emotions.

The next time a person responds to you in an angry and abrupt manner, ask yourself the following questions:

  • What is the underlying message that they are trying to express?
  • What are they really trying to say on an unconscious level?
  • Where is this person seeking comfort, healing and support?
  • How can I best provide them with this comfort, healing and support?
  • How can I reassure them that they are understood and supported?

If you have a similar learning experience or would like to add to the list of questions, you may do so by commenting below.

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miWisdom today… To really get an accurate insight into people’s motives, one must pay close attention not to their visible actions, words or behaviours, but rather to their unconscious actions, words and behaviours.

  • I hear the person talking, but what are they really saying?
  • What is the underlying meaning and intention behind these words?
  • I see what this person is doing, but what do the subtle movements of their body really mean?
  • Are there any inconsistencies between their bodily movements and the words they use?
  • If there are inconsistencies, what do they really mean?

If you have a similar learning experience or would like to add to the list of questions, you may do so by commenting below.

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miWisdom today… How something is written and what it intrinsically means can be at two opposite ends of the pole. Therefore, to sometimes make sense of the obvious one must dig a little deeper and question the content of the material from different angles and perspectives.

  • What is the surface meaning of this writing?
  • What was the person trying to get across to their readers?
  • What motivated them to write about this in such a manner and style?
  • What hidden meaning (if any) can I unearth from this material that isn’t present on the surface?

If you have a similar learning experience or would like to add to the list of questions, you may do so by commenting below.

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miWisdom today… You must be constantly aware of how others are perceiving your behaviour. You might think that you are building relationships, when in fact you are hurting them through your decisions and actions. Understand that everyone is different and each individual has alternating levels of comfort that they feel around certain types of people. Be aware not to take people out of their comfort zone too early or you may indeed be teaching them to despise you.

  • How should I best interact with this person based on what I currently know about them?
  • At this point in our relationship, how comfortable do they feel around me and my behaviour?
  • What subtle signals are they sending my way?
  • How can I slowly, methodically and subtly remove any barriers that exist between us?

If you have a similar learning experience or would like to add to the list of questions, you may do so by commenting below.

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miWisdom today… Never doubt another person at the first instance despite any personal prior history that may bring about doubt. Always keep your mind open and try to understand where they are coming from, what they are gaining from holding onto this perspective, and how they are looking at the situation.

  • Where is this person’s perspective coming from?
  • What are they gaining by holding onto this perspective?
  • How are they seeing this situation, and why is this the case?

If you have a similar learning experience or would like to add to the list of questions, you may do so by commenting below.

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