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Archive for the ‘Trust’ Category

miWisdom today… Over long periods of time we invest a lot of time and emotional energy into other people. If suddenly these people were to betray us, it would no doubt hurt, and questions would need to be answered…

  • Can I still trust this person?
  • Can I learn to forgive them for their betrayal?
  • Can I learn to forget this incident?

Whether we can trust, forgive or forget all depends on the levels of our emotional investment we have given to this person over a lifetime and especially over recent times.

All our decisions, behaviours and actions in such instances will be influenced by the strength of our emotional bonds. When these bonds are solid and strong, we will continue to trust, forgive and probably forget. Is this right or wrong? Well that depends on the situation. What we must however be aware of, is that we are acting purely out of our personal emotional history with this person.

For instance, if two people were to betray us in exactly the same fashion, we would indeed look at their betrayal in a different light. The person with whom we invested a large amount of positive emotional energy over a long period of time, will more easily be forgiven, and the act forgotten. Yet the other person whom we invested little positive emotional energy may very well never be forgiven for their acts. The acts and intentions of these two people are exactly the same, yet our emotional connections dramatically alter our perceptions of their acts. Is one person’s act any better or worse than another? It all comes down to our perspective, and that emotional perspective is what we must keep in mind when confronted with betrayal.

When suddenly betrayed by another person, it might be helpful to ask yourself the following questions, after which you may better be able to determine whether to trust, forgive or forget…

  • What was the person’s real intention? – sometimes our intentions don’t mean to hurt others.
  • Is this an isolated incident or does this person have a history of partaking in these kinds of acts?
  • What is the level of my emotional bond with this person?
  • How is this bond affecting my perspective of this situation?
  • If I had a low level emotional connection with this person, how would I feel about their act at this very moment?
  • If I had a very high level emotional connection with this person, how would I feel about their act at this very moment?
  • If I was to separate myself from this emotional connection and look at this situation from an outsiders perspective, how would I feel about it?
  • Should I allow my personal history or lack of personal history with this person to affect my perspective of this incident?
  • What is it that really matters most here? Is it my dignity and pride, or is keeping this relationship moving forward more important?
  • Given all the benefits I have gained from this relationship over time, should I allow this one incident to tarnish a history of goodwill that have benefited both of us in so many ways?
  • What needs to happen specifically for me to learn to trust and forgive this person? Can I learn ever to forget?

If you have a similar learning experience or would like to add to the list of questions, you may do so by commenting below.

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miWisdom today… One mustn’t reveal what one has learnt or discovered about another person if one is still uncertain about this person’s motives and intentions. Instead, one must buy more time and act as though one is not aware of this new found information.

First, take your time to really get to know this person in a variety of different situations and environments. When people are not under stress or difficulty they can easily deceive and convince others of their deceptive ways. However, put them into a situation where they are pulled outside of their comfort zone, or thrown into an environment that isn’t familiar to them; and this person’s true colours may well come to the forefront.

  • How best can I take this person out of their comfort zone?
  • What environment could potentially bring out their true colours?
  • How are they different within this new environment or situation?
  • How are they different under these awkward and stressful situations?
  • Does this difference in behaviour provide me any clues as to their true intentions and character?

Secondly, you can pick up subtle details and critical information about other people by observing how they interact with others within their social circle and outside of it.

  • What does this person say, and how do they behave in the presence of others?
  • Do they act any differently in the presence of these people than they do with me?
  • Does this person talk about others behind their back?
  • Do they speak kind words of others, or do their words put people down?
  • What intention do they have while speaking these words? What impression do they seek to make on me?
  • What do others say about this person?
  • How do others speak about them? (tone of voice, sarcasm, etc)
  • What general impressions do people have of this person? Both new acquaintances and old friends?
  • What does all of this tell me about this person’s motives, intentions and character?
  • So the question remains… Should I trust them or should I not?

If you have a similar learning experience or would like to add to the list of questions, you may do so by commenting below.

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miWisdom today… People can be incredibly inconsiderate of others when they are too absorbed in their own life, problems, work and agenda. Even with the best of intentions, during these moments they may hurt their relationships with others unintentionally not even thinking twice about their decisions or actions. Soon they will wake up and observe their behaviour in the reflections of those closest to them. However, will it be too late to mend what is now broken?

  • At this moment, am I thinking about ME or WE?
  • What is the best way to show others that I care for them without losing focus on my tasks or objectives?

If you have a similar learning experience or would like to add to the list of questions, you may do so by commenting below.

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miWisdom today… One occasionally is left with no option but to bend the truth at times in order to protect others from potential harm.

  • If I am to be completely honest and upfront with this person how will it effect them mentally, emotionally and physically?
  • Is this the right time to reveal the truth, or should I wait for a better moment?
  • How will they behave if they learn the truth, and could this potentially harm them in any way?
  • How can I reveal the truth in a manner that will be easy to accept and understand?

If you have a similar learning experience or would like to add to the list of questions, you may do so by commenting below.

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miWisdom today… In essence (however, not under all circumstances), people don’t change. Therefore if you couldn’t trust someone in the past, than you must be very wary and careful if trusting them in the present despite any apparent good deeds they may have contributed in bringing your way. Watch out for their hidden agenda.

  • How has this person changed that would justify giving them my trust?
  • Do they have a hidden agenda for wanting to gain back my trust? What could it be?

If you have a similar learning experience or would like to add to the list of questions, you may do so by commenting below.

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miWisdom today… Never doubt another person at the first instance despite any personal prior history that may bring about doubt. Always keep your mind open and try to understand where they are coming from, what they are gaining from holding onto this perspective, and how they are looking at the situation.

  • Where is this person’s perspective coming from?
  • What are they gaining by holding onto this perspective?
  • How are they seeing this situation, and why is this the case?

If you have a similar learning experience or would like to add to the list of questions, you may do so by commenting below.

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miWisdom today… When people believe in you wholeheartedly based on faith alone, than despite occasional contradictions in your character and life, their belief will remain constant and true throughout.

  • How can I gain other people’s trust and faith in me and my abilities, visions and dreams?

If you have a similar learning experience or would like to add to the list of questions, you may do so by commenting below.

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