Archive for the ‘Relationships’ Category

Broken HeartmiWisdom today… Pain makes people do cruel things, even when they are intrinsically good.

Our lives are filled with constant ups and downs. The happiest of moments come and go, and over time they have a tendency to balance out the sadness that some of us continue to hold within our hearts. Because we are such emotional creatures we tend to easily get carried away and lost within the moments where we have much at stake and plenty to lose. Within these moments, suddenly everything could be lost in the blink of an eye, and as a result an awe encompassing and overwhelming pain explodes from within and paralyses us externally. Unable to think rationally, unable to make educated decisions, and unable to take actions that are consistent and congruent with our highest values and morals; we fall into the pits of a selfish misunderstanding of our predicament, where everything we do from this moment forth comes from a survival reactionary state that came ingrained within the software recesses of our minds.

  • It is within these moments that life tends to get the better of us.
  • It is within these moments that uncharacteristic habits, decisions and actions can begin to dominate our reactions to circumstances.
  • It is within these moments that good people end up undertaking regrettably evil acts.

Take the pain of a broken heart. Once so full of life, so full of love, and so full of giving; today it rests there within the safety of its cage, restless, yet pained by the cuts and wounds of its battles with an enemy it once adored and would sacrifice its life for. This heart has suddenly been changed. Once full of love, today that love has been replaced by anguish and a saddened feeling of emptiness, a void that this heart longs to fill no matter what it takes.

A heart so suddenly hurt with these emotional disabilities, now evolves and mutates into something that once had no presence. Suddenly a new irrational attitude is born and the heart seeks to right the wrongs, to bring justice to the empty space it feels expanding from within. In order to hold back and shun these feelings of emptiness and weakness, it fights back by taking over the emotional centers of the brain and urging the body into physical action that it otherwise wouldn’t have taken on its own accord. It becomes irrational and unjustly, feeling only of its own void and self-pride that was once filled with a radiant energy, and now rests empty like a dried up well.

Can you blame this heart for the actions it is about to take?

We are emotional creatures… that we are, and we all have cruelty lying hidden deep within the recesses of our souls. It just takes the right (or wrong) trigger to unleash this beast out of its slumber and onto an unsuspecting world. Yes… pain makes people do cruel things, even when they are intrinsically good. Yet pain is only a response, an interpretation so to speak about external events and circumstances that overwhelm and bring much sorrow and unhappiness to our lives. It is not so much the pain that we suffer that changes us, but rather our own interpretation of the pain that determines how we will proceed from this moment on. Our hearts are reactionary, and will bend and flow in accordance to our perceptions of the events that unfold within the presence of our senses. How we interpret our perceptions will either weaken or strengthen our beating heart.

The moment you find yourself being ruled by an unforgiving heart, you might find it helpful to ask yourself the following questions:

  • How is it exactly that I am feeling this way? Can I describe these emotions clearly and concisely?
  • Is it rational for me to be feeling this way about this situation?
  • Could I be misreading this situation based on my limited and biased perspective? Could my emotions be filtering out my reasoning?
  • Even the worst of circumstances have a silver lining if only I look for it. What could the silver lining be here? – Today and into the future.
  • Would everyone I know react and feel this way about this situation? If not, than how different would their reactions and feelings be?
  • If I was to separate myself emotionally from this situation what would I see, and how would I feel? Are things any different?
  • How can I proceed forward in accordance to my highest and most important values?
  • If all of a sudden this event or situation was completely eradicated from my memory, how would I proceed with my life from this moment on?
  • Do I understand that a little time, separation and nurturing can mend and in many instances repair the wounds of a broken heart?

If you have a similar learning experience or would like to add to the list of questions, you may do so by commenting below.


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miWisdom today… Over long periods of time we invest a lot of time and emotional energy into other people. If suddenly these people were to betray us, it would no doubt hurt, and questions would need to be answered…

  • Can I still trust this person?
  • Can I learn to forgive them for their betrayal?
  • Can I learn to forget this incident?

Whether we can trust, forgive or forget all depends on the levels of our emotional investment we have given to this person over a lifetime and especially over recent times.

All our decisions, behaviours and actions in such instances will be influenced by the strength of our emotional bonds. When these bonds are solid and strong, we will continue to trust, forgive and probably forget. Is this right or wrong? Well that depends on the situation. What we must however be aware of, is that we are acting purely out of our personal emotional history with this person.

For instance, if two people were to betray us in exactly the same fashion, we would indeed look at their betrayal in a different light. The person with whom we invested a large amount of positive emotional energy over a long period of time, will more easily be forgiven, and the act forgotten. Yet the other person whom we invested little positive emotional energy may very well never be forgiven for their acts. The acts and intentions of these two people are exactly the same, yet our emotional connections dramatically alter our perceptions of their acts. Is one person’s act any better or worse than another? It all comes down to our perspective, and that emotional perspective is what we must keep in mind when confronted with betrayal.

When suddenly betrayed by another person, it might be helpful to ask yourself the following questions, after which you may better be able to determine whether to trust, forgive or forget…

  • What was the person’s real intention? – sometimes our intentions don’t mean to hurt others.
  • Is this an isolated incident or does this person have a history of partaking in these kinds of acts?
  • What is the level of my emotional bond with this person?
  • How is this bond affecting my perspective of this situation?
  • If I had a low level emotional connection with this person, how would I feel about their act at this very moment?
  • If I had a very high level emotional connection with this person, how would I feel about their act at this very moment?
  • If I was to separate myself from this emotional connection and look at this situation from an outsiders perspective, how would I feel about it?
  • Should I allow my personal history or lack of personal history with this person to affect my perspective of this incident?
  • What is it that really matters most here? Is it my dignity and pride, or is keeping this relationship moving forward more important?
  • Given all the benefits I have gained from this relationship over time, should I allow this one incident to tarnish a history of goodwill that have benefited both of us in so many ways?
  • What needs to happen specifically for me to learn to trust and forgive this person? Can I learn ever to forget?

If you have a similar learning experience or would like to add to the list of questions, you may do so by commenting below.

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miWisdom today… When one is angry, that anger is only the external manifestation of a hidden self-conscious emotion trying to express itself, trying to get noticed, while seeking healing, comfort and support.

Instead of getting upset at others because of their anger, it is best to try and understand them, to get a sense as to where they might be hurting, a sense for their hidden pain which is in actuality manifesting externally into angry and potentially hurtful emotions.

The next time a person responds to you in an angry and abrupt manner, ask yourself the following questions:

  • What is the underlying message that they are trying to express?
  • What are they really trying to say on an unconscious level?
  • Where is this person seeking comfort, healing and support?
  • How can I best provide them with this comfort, healing and support?
  • How can I reassure them that they are understood and supported?

If you have a similar learning experience or would like to add to the list of questions, you may do so by commenting below.

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miWisdom today… Getting angry or upset at others doesn’t normally work to one’s favour, as it creates resistance and throws the other person against you. Not only does the other person now see you as the enemy, they also completely resist what you have to say no matter how much logical sense your argument may have. This ends up being a “no win” situation for both parties. You don’t win because you haven’t been able to get your point across, and the other person doesn’t win because they have not learnt from their mistakes or their lack of understanding. Their Ego has simply impeded on making logical sense of the information that you are attempting to convey across to them.

Instead of getting angry or arguing with the other person, the solution is to simply discuss the matter with them in a very subtle and calm manner. Focus on asking the right kinds of questions that will get this person thinking logically about their situation. These questions must however be very subtle, so much so that the other person doesn’t even realise that you are probing them for these answers. Your goal is to get them thinking in a way that will stimulate questions within them so that they are able to find their own answers.

Focus also on touching the other person emotionally, on making them laugh, or maybe even making them feel a little indirect pain that will trigger their emotional thinking processes. A bit of laughter or tears can easily breakdown a person’s defenses, therefore opening them up to a greater sense of awareness and understanding about their current predicament.

People are much like a rubber-band. The more you pull on it the greater resistance you will have to deal with. And if you pull too quickly and too hard, the rubber-band will snap, and you have lost a unique opportunity to get through to them.  People are also much like a balloon that is blown up and deflated again. Once a balloon is deflated it will never take on its original shape. If you hurt them through your anger and attacking remark, they will lose trust and faith in you no matter what your intentions were or how much logical sense you made. And later when you are sincerely trying to help them, they will resist, and you will not be able to get through to them.

  • What is it that I would like to get across to this person?
  • What strategies can I use to get this information across to them in a way that will minimise resistance?
  • How should I talk, behave and present myself before them?
  • Where would be the most ideal place to discuss this matter with them?
  • What would be the ideal time to discuss this matter with them?
  • How can I get my point across in a logical manner that will get them thinking in new ways?
  • How can I get my point across in a way that will stir up contemplative emotions in the other person?
  • What questions can I ask them that will stimulate their thinking processes?
  • What personal experiences and stories can I share with them that will build a stronger emotional bond between the two of us?
  • How can I best show them that I understand their situation and predicament?
  • How can I lead them towards finding the answers that I would like them to discover for themselves?
  • After my discussion with them, should I give them space and time to contemplate what was discussed? How much time should I allow?
  • If I was them and they were me, how would I like to be approached given the circumstances?

If you have a similar learning experience or would like to add to the list of questions, you may do so by commenting below.

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miWisdom today… You must at the very least appear to be indispensable to others within your network. In this way you will hold insurmountable power of influence over your relationships with them. When you are wanted and needed for very specific reasons people will flock to you and will want to assist you with your every need, want and desire. You can become indispensable in two concrete ways:

  1. Become indispensable by creating a strong emotional connection or bond with the other person. If however you are unable to lock away a strong emotional connection with the person you want to influence, than your next best option is to create this bond with someone they hold very dear to their hearts. In such a way you will be able to influence them indirectly through this other person’s decisions and actions.
  2. Become indispensable through a specific knowledge-base or skill that this other person or network of people cannot do without.

Becoming indispensable is a skill in itself that the most successful people and companies have perfected over the course of many years. Think of the great influential minds or inventors of our time whom we just couldn’t do without. Think also about the companies (especially online companies) who we rely on completely for the products and services that they provide us each and every day. This is what being indispensable is all about, and it is one of your keys to abundance and success in life.

  • How can I become indispensable to the people I seek to influence most?
  • What knowledge or skill-sets must I acquire to help me achieve these goals?
  • How can I create strong and long-term emotional connections and bonds with these people on a daily basis?

If you have a similar learning experience or would like to add to the list of questions, you may do so by commenting below.

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miWisdom today… One must be very careful as to when, where and how to raise certain topics or issues with other people.The when refers to the timing of your encounter with this other person. Keep in mind that at certain times people will be more receptive to what you have to say than at other times.

The where refers to the place of your encounter with the other person. Keep in mind that the other person will feel different emotions within different environments. You must approach them within an environment that is going to be helpful to your communication.

The how refers to how you will go about communicating your message to the other person. Keep in mind that it’s not so much what you say to the other person but how you say it. However, choose your words carefully especially when discussing sensitive matters.

Another factor to consider is the whom. Whom this person is in the presence of when you are communicating your message to them is of critical importance. At times whom they are in the presence of will assist you in getting your message across, while at other times it may make your communication a little more difficult. Also keep in mind who may be listening to your communication and how this may influence their perceptions of you or the other person.

  • When is the best time to discuss this matter with them?
  • Where is the best location to discuss this matter with them?
  • How should I communicate my message in order to help them best understand my perspective?
  • Do I want to approach them when they are alone or in the presence of other people? What people specifically?
  • What are the potential consequences of my communication strategy?

If you have a similar learning experience or would like to add to the list of questions, you may do so by commenting below.

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miWisdom today… Building strong relationships with others all rests upon the finer details. It is all about knowing a matrix of interesting habits, hobbies, likes, values, beliefs and ideas about the other person which usually determines the strength of your relationship with them. By knowing and understanding these intricacies you will not only be a greater influential force in their lives, but will also build stronger and longer lasting emotional foundations that can potentially last a lifetime.

  • What do I really know about this person?
  • Do I know this person’s beliefs, values, hobbies, interests, small unconscious habits, or their ideas about themselves, others and the world?
  • How could I get to know them at an even deeper level of understanding?
  • How can I use what I know about them to help influence them in the right direction?

If you have a similar learning experience or would like to add to the list of questions, you may do so by commenting below.

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