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Archive for the ‘Forgiveness’ Category

Broken HeartmiWisdom today… Pain makes people do cruel things, even when they are intrinsically good.

Our lives are filled with constant ups and downs. The happiest of moments come and go, and over time they have a tendency to balance out the sadness that some of us continue to hold within our hearts. Because we are such emotional creatures we tend to easily get carried away and lost within the moments where we have much at stake and plenty to lose. Within these moments, suddenly everything could be lost in the blink of an eye, and as a result an awe encompassing and overwhelming pain explodes from within and paralyses us externally. Unable to think rationally, unable to make educated decisions, and unable to take actions that are consistent and congruent with our highest values and morals; we fall into the pits of a selfish misunderstanding of our predicament, where everything we do from this moment forth comes from a survival reactionary state that came ingrained within the software recesses of our minds.

  • It is within these moments that life tends to get the better of us.
  • It is within these moments that uncharacteristic habits, decisions and actions can begin to dominate our reactions to circumstances.
  • It is within these moments that good people end up undertaking regrettably evil acts.

Take the pain of a broken heart. Once so full of life, so full of love, and so full of giving; today it rests there within the safety of its cage, restless, yet pained by the cuts and wounds of its battles with an enemy it once adored and would sacrifice its life for. This heart has suddenly been changed. Once full of love, today that love has been replaced by anguish and a saddened feeling of emptiness, a void that this heart longs to fill no matter what it takes.

A heart so suddenly hurt with these emotional disabilities, now evolves and mutates into something that once had no presence. Suddenly a new irrational attitude is born and the heart seeks to right the wrongs, to bring justice to the empty space it feels expanding from within. In order to hold back and shun these feelings of emptiness and weakness, it fights back by taking over the emotional centers of the brain and urging the body into physical action that it otherwise wouldn’t have taken on its own accord. It becomes irrational and unjustly, feeling only of its own void and self-pride that was once filled with a radiant energy, and now rests empty like a dried up well.

Can you blame this heart for the actions it is about to take?

We are emotional creatures… that we are, and we all have cruelty lying hidden deep within the recesses of our souls. It just takes the right (or wrong) trigger to unleash this beast out of its slumber and onto an unsuspecting world. Yes… pain makes people do cruel things, even when they are intrinsically good. Yet pain is only a response, an interpretation so to speak about external events and circumstances that overwhelm and bring much sorrow and unhappiness to our lives. It is not so much the pain that we suffer that changes us, but rather our own interpretation of the pain that determines how we will proceed from this moment on. Our hearts are reactionary, and will bend and flow in accordance to our perceptions of the events that unfold within the presence of our senses. How we interpret our perceptions will either weaken or strengthen our beating heart.

The moment you find yourself being ruled by an unforgiving heart, you might find it helpful to ask yourself the following questions:

  • How is it exactly that I am feeling this way? Can I describe these emotions clearly and concisely?
  • Is it rational for me to be feeling this way about this situation?
  • Could I be misreading this situation based on my limited and biased perspective? Could my emotions be filtering out my reasoning?
  • Even the worst of circumstances have a silver lining if only I look for it. What could the silver lining be here? – Today and into the future.
  • Would everyone I know react and feel this way about this situation? If not, than how different would their reactions and feelings be?
  • If I was to separate myself emotionally from this situation what would I see, and how would I feel? Are things any different?
  • How can I proceed forward in accordance to my highest and most important values?
  • If all of a sudden this event or situation was completely eradicated from my memory, how would I proceed with my life from this moment on?
  • Do I understand that a little time, separation and nurturing can mend and in many instances repair the wounds of a broken heart?

If you have a similar learning experience or would like to add to the list of questions, you may do so by commenting below.

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miWisdom today… Over long periods of time we invest a lot of time and emotional energy into other people. If suddenly these people were to betray us, it would no doubt hurt, and questions would need to be answered…

  • Can I still trust this person?
  • Can I learn to forgive them for their betrayal?
  • Can I learn to forget this incident?

Whether we can trust, forgive or forget all depends on the levels of our emotional investment we have given to this person over a lifetime and especially over recent times.

All our decisions, behaviours and actions in such instances will be influenced by the strength of our emotional bonds. When these bonds are solid and strong, we will continue to trust, forgive and probably forget. Is this right or wrong? Well that depends on the situation. What we must however be aware of, is that we are acting purely out of our personal emotional history with this person.

For instance, if two people were to betray us in exactly the same fashion, we would indeed look at their betrayal in a different light. The person with whom we invested a large amount of positive emotional energy over a long period of time, will more easily be forgiven, and the act forgotten. Yet the other person whom we invested little positive emotional energy may very well never be forgiven for their acts. The acts and intentions of these two people are exactly the same, yet our emotional connections dramatically alter our perceptions of their acts. Is one person’s act any better or worse than another? It all comes down to our perspective, and that emotional perspective is what we must keep in mind when confronted with betrayal.

When suddenly betrayed by another person, it might be helpful to ask yourself the following questions, after which you may better be able to determine whether to trust, forgive or forget…

  • What was the person’s real intention? – sometimes our intentions don’t mean to hurt others.
  • Is this an isolated incident or does this person have a history of partaking in these kinds of acts?
  • What is the level of my emotional bond with this person?
  • How is this bond affecting my perspective of this situation?
  • If I had a low level emotional connection with this person, how would I feel about their act at this very moment?
  • If I had a very high level emotional connection with this person, how would I feel about their act at this very moment?
  • If I was to separate myself from this emotional connection and look at this situation from an outsiders perspective, how would I feel about it?
  • Should I allow my personal history or lack of personal history with this person to affect my perspective of this incident?
  • What is it that really matters most here? Is it my dignity and pride, or is keeping this relationship moving forward more important?
  • Given all the benefits I have gained from this relationship over time, should I allow this one incident to tarnish a history of goodwill that have benefited both of us in so many ways?
  • What needs to happen specifically for me to learn to trust and forgive this person? Can I learn ever to forget?

If you have a similar learning experience or would like to add to the list of questions, you may do so by commenting below.

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