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Archive for the ‘Emotions’ Category

Broken HeartmiWisdom today… Pain makes people do cruel things, even when they are intrinsically good.

Our lives are filled with constant ups and downs. The happiest of moments come and go, and over time they have a tendency to balance out the sadness that some of us continue to hold within our hearts. Because we are such emotional creatures we tend to easily get carried away and lost within the moments where we have much at stake and plenty to lose. Within these moments, suddenly everything could be lost in the blink of an eye, and as a result an awe encompassing and overwhelming pain explodes from within and paralyses us externally. Unable to think rationally, unable to make educated decisions, and unable to take actions that are consistent and congruent with our highest values and morals; we fall into the pits of a selfish misunderstanding of our predicament, where everything we do from this moment forth comes from a survival reactionary state that came ingrained within the software recesses of our minds.

  • It is within these moments that life tends to get the better of us.
  • It is within these moments that uncharacteristic habits, decisions and actions can begin to dominate our reactions to circumstances.
  • It is within these moments that good people end up undertaking regrettably evil acts.

Take the pain of a broken heart. Once so full of life, so full of love, and so full of giving; today it rests there within the safety of its cage, restless, yet pained by the cuts and wounds of its battles with an enemy it once adored and would sacrifice its life for. This heart has suddenly been changed. Once full of love, today that love has been replaced by anguish and a saddened feeling of emptiness, a void that this heart longs to fill no matter what it takes.

A heart so suddenly hurt with these emotional disabilities, now evolves and mutates into something that once had no presence. Suddenly a new irrational attitude is born and the heart seeks to right the wrongs, to bring justice to the empty space it feels expanding from within. In order to hold back and shun these feelings of emptiness and weakness, it fights back by taking over the emotional centers of the brain and urging the body into physical action that it otherwise wouldn’t have taken on its own accord. It becomes irrational and unjustly, feeling only of its own void and self-pride that was once filled with a radiant energy, and now rests empty like a dried up well.

Can you blame this heart for the actions it is about to take?

We are emotional creatures… that we are, and we all have cruelty lying hidden deep within the recesses of our souls. It just takes the right (or wrong) trigger to unleash this beast out of its slumber and onto an unsuspecting world. Yes… pain makes people do cruel things, even when they are intrinsically good. Yet pain is only a response, an interpretation so to speak about external events and circumstances that overwhelm and bring much sorrow and unhappiness to our lives. It is not so much the pain that we suffer that changes us, but rather our own interpretation of the pain that determines how we will proceed from this moment on. Our hearts are reactionary, and will bend and flow in accordance to our perceptions of the events that unfold within the presence of our senses. How we interpret our perceptions will either weaken or strengthen our beating heart.

The moment you find yourself being ruled by an unforgiving heart, you might find it helpful to ask yourself the following questions:

  • How is it exactly that I am feeling this way? Can I describe these emotions clearly and concisely?
  • Is it rational for me to be feeling this way about this situation?
  • Could I be misreading this situation based on my limited and biased perspective? Could my emotions be filtering out my reasoning?
  • Even the worst of circumstances have a silver lining if only I look for it. What could the silver lining be here? – Today and into the future.
  • Would everyone I know react and feel this way about this situation? If not, than how different would their reactions and feelings be?
  • If I was to separate myself emotionally from this situation what would I see, and how would I feel? Are things any different?
  • How can I proceed forward in accordance to my highest and most important values?
  • If all of a sudden this event or situation was completely eradicated from my memory, how would I proceed with my life from this moment on?
  • Do I understand that a little time, separation and nurturing can mend and in many instances repair the wounds of a broken heart?

If you have a similar learning experience or would like to add to the list of questions, you may do so by commenting below.

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miWisdom today… When perceptively negative circumstances befall people, they will usually tend to think the very worst of their predicament. Even if this person talks positively and optimistically about their situation to others, internally, they are expecting and preparing themselves mentally for the very worst end result. Since our expectations guide our decisions, direction and actions, we will therefore tend to realize our expectations in the real world more often than not.

How is it that our expectations tend to create our reality?

It has to do with our thought patterns and the emotions that we experience on a daily basis. Simply put; the direction of your thoughts influences what you are or are not able to perceive within your present environment. If you are thinking negatively you will tend to see negative people, events, problems and circumstances around you. On the other hand, if you are thinking positively, you will tend to see opportunities abound, that may well assist you in moving past your present reality of problems and obstacles. From here we come to understand that what we perceive externally will directly influence the decisions that we will make in the present moment. These decisions are obviously based on our perceptive filters which come directly from our thoughts and emotions.

Finally, we undertake our plan of action based on these filtered decisions, which will more times than not lead us in the direction of our original thoughts – or in other words, lead us in the direction of our expectations.

To avoid the Expectations Trap, you may find it helpful to ask yourself the following set of questions:

  • What is the real issue here?
  • How best can I define the challenges, obstacles or problems I am currently facing?
  • As I do an internal check of my thoughts and emotions, what future expectations am I currently in the process of creating within the recesses of my mind?
  • Based on these expectations, how am I currently filtering my reality?
  • If my end goal is to look for solutions and opportunities; does my current filter of reality help or hinder me in this process?
  • How must I begin to process my thoughts in order to allow myself to begin opening up my perceptive channels to potential solutions and opportunities?

If you have a similar learning experience or would like to add to the list of questions, you may do so by commenting below.

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miWidsom today… In times of crisis or when absorbing high doses of stress, you must at the very least appear to be under emotional control, otherwise other people will tend to lose confidence and faith in your abilities. This is especially important if other people are looking up to you or you are seeking to influence others through your behaviors, decisions or actions.

At times of great stress or hardship it is very easy for the human mind to fall prey to negative emotions that can sap one’s energy and make one lose focus of one’s main goals and objectives. During these times people tend to make the worst out of every situation. They tend to filter all events in a very dark and gloomy manner. Hope appears to be lost, they have no idea what to do next, and the resulting effect is that they lose control over their emotions.

Our emotions are like a balance bar of control, they keep us steady and centered even during times of crisis; as long as we are proactively guiding our emotions in a manner that keeps us on target towards our goals and objectives. However, if we suddenly begin to react emotionally to other people, events or circumstances, that is when the balance between our emotions and the control bar is broken. Because we are emotional creatures, we are simply unable to maintain control over something external if internally we are unbalanced and falling apart.

The key towards gaining back emotional control begins on the outside. One must first appear to others as though one is in full emotional control over oneself. This will give other people confidence in your ability to get the job done. This is especially important when you are in a leadership or management position within a company, organization, club or family. The appearance of control is the critical first step towards regaining your balance. When others see that you are not phased by your predicament, they will likewise maintain their poise and will better be able to assist you in this time of need.

Once you have established external emotional balance, you can now move onto the next step which is centering yourself internally. To do this one must learn to better understand oneself as well as the events surrounding one’s situation. The following set of questions may assist you to regain back the balance in your life while focusing you back on your most important goals and objectives:

  • Why am I feeling overwhelmed and stressed at this very moment? – You are defining the problem.
  • What external factors, people or events do I believe are causing this? – You are defining the cause.
  • How specifically is all of this making me feel? – You are defining your emotional state.
  • How do I normally react emotionally to these types of people, events or circumstances? – You are defining your habits.
  • Given my outcomes and goals, what emotions would be most suitable and appropriate to utilize in this situation?
  • How will I gain from experiencing and using these positive emotions?
  • How do I now choose to act proactively in response to these people, events or circumstances?
  • What strategies can I consistently use to ensure that I stay in this emotional proactive state?

If you have a similar learning experience or would like to add to the list of questions, you may do so by commenting below.

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miWisdom today… When people become obsessed with something to the extent that it overwhelms them emotionally, they naturally become disillusioned by their circumstances. This naturally effects the person’s decision making process to the extent that they are simply unable to comprehend the validity of their decisions in the moment. They are simply unable to logically understand the consequences of their decisions towards themselves, others and the world around them.

Acting only through emotion can lead to much anguish and disappointment in life. Our emotions can either make things appear light or dark, good or bad, right or wrong, yet they are only a perspective that we hold in the moment, a perspective that was influenced by something internal or external in our environment. If we fail to see our emotions for what they really are, than we will simply fail to make sense of the possible consequences of the decisions we are about to make.

It is important to note that our emotions are not our feelings. They are simply representations of one of many possible realities based on the array of emotions we experience at any time.

The next time you are feeling overwhelmed by your emotions for better or worse, you may find it helpful to ask yourself the following questions before making any hurried decisions:

  • Based on my current emotional state, what decision am I about to make?
  • Is this how reality is, or is it just a representation of the emotions I am experiencing at this very moment?
  • If I was to experience a contradictory emotion opposite to what I feel at the moment, how would I interpret this situation differently? Would I make a different decision?
  • Do I have the entire picture of the situation, or do my emotions filter out logical evidence to the contrary?
  • If I was to logically think about this situation from an outsiders perspective, what would I see? How would I interpret the people, circumstances and events?
  • What are the potential short and long-term consequences of the decision I am about to make?
  • What impact could this decision have on myself, others and the world around me?
  • The decision I am about to make may feel good, however is it in actuality good for me, and does it serve the greater good of all?
  • Does my original decision make sense given what I now know, or is there a better alternative?

If you have a similar learning experience or would like to add to the list of questions, you may do so by commenting below.

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miWisdom today… Over long periods of time we invest a lot of time and emotional energy into other people. If suddenly these people were to betray us, it would no doubt hurt, and questions would need to be answered…

  • Can I still trust this person?
  • Can I learn to forgive them for their betrayal?
  • Can I learn to forget this incident?

Whether we can trust, forgive or forget all depends on the levels of our emotional investment we have given to this person over a lifetime and especially over recent times.

All our decisions, behaviours and actions in such instances will be influenced by the strength of our emotional bonds. When these bonds are solid and strong, we will continue to trust, forgive and probably forget. Is this right or wrong? Well that depends on the situation. What we must however be aware of, is that we are acting purely out of our personal emotional history with this person.

For instance, if two people were to betray us in exactly the same fashion, we would indeed look at their betrayal in a different light. The person with whom we invested a large amount of positive emotional energy over a long period of time, will more easily be forgiven, and the act forgotten. Yet the other person whom we invested little positive emotional energy may very well never be forgiven for their acts. The acts and intentions of these two people are exactly the same, yet our emotional connections dramatically alter our perceptions of their acts. Is one person’s act any better or worse than another? It all comes down to our perspective, and that emotional perspective is what we must keep in mind when confronted with betrayal.

When suddenly betrayed by another person, it might be helpful to ask yourself the following questions, after which you may better be able to determine whether to trust, forgive or forget…

  • What was the person’s real intention? – sometimes our intentions don’t mean to hurt others.
  • Is this an isolated incident or does this person have a history of partaking in these kinds of acts?
  • What is the level of my emotional bond with this person?
  • How is this bond affecting my perspective of this situation?
  • If I had a low level emotional connection with this person, how would I feel about their act at this very moment?
  • If I had a very high level emotional connection with this person, how would I feel about their act at this very moment?
  • If I was to separate myself from this emotional connection and look at this situation from an outsiders perspective, how would I feel about it?
  • Should I allow my personal history or lack of personal history with this person to affect my perspective of this incident?
  • What is it that really matters most here? Is it my dignity and pride, or is keeping this relationship moving forward more important?
  • Given all the benefits I have gained from this relationship over time, should I allow this one incident to tarnish a history of goodwill that have benefited both of us in so many ways?
  • What needs to happen specifically for me to learn to trust and forgive this person? Can I learn ever to forget?

If you have a similar learning experience or would like to add to the list of questions, you may do so by commenting below.

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miWisdom today… People have a tendency to say things in a certain way which can stir up negative emotions in other individuals. One must be aware and wary not to get drawn into these kinds of traps, otherwise one is giving full control of their behaviour over to the other person which can easily be taken advantage of. One must therefore come to know and understand the other person’s intentions before they have a chance to overwhelm you.

Once our emotions start to get the better of us we psychologically lose control of the situation. Be it anger, jealousy, anxiety, stress or any other overwhelming emotion, we fall into the trap of reacting to situations instead of proactively taking control over them.

To proactively take control of a situation without being drawn into emotional re-activeness, ask yourself the following set of questions:

  • What is it that this person is trying to do through their words or actions? What are their real intentions?
  • How is it that this person wants me to respond to their words or actions?
  • What is it specifically that I would like to gain control of in this situation?
  • What is the ideal outcome I would like to achieve?
  • If I cannot gain some kind of control over external people, events or circumstances, than what is it that I can control internally from an emotional and mental perspective?
  • What is the best way to project my emotions given the current circumstances and the outcomes that I seek?
  • How do I choose to project my emotions in the moment that will serve my greater good and allow me to take charge of this situation?

If you have a similar learning experience or would like to add to the list of questions, you may do so by commenting below.

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miWisdom today… Sometimes the most obvious choice to make isn’t always the best option to take.

We are all very impulsive creatures. As such, we take many actions throughout our lives that have less than desirable outcomes. What appears to be the right thing to do in the moment may only appear to be so on the surface.

Think twice before making any impulsive decisions, especially if they involve those who are closest to you.

Our emotions are the ones that lead us astray in moments like these because they shape our reality with many shades of colours and perspectives, therefore making things appear to be somewhat different than what they really are. Yes, emotions are a wondrous yet dangerous experience, especially when it comes to our impulsive decisions which are purely based on the emotions we are feeling in the moment.

Next time you feel as though you are about to make an impulsive decision that just seems like the most obvious choice to make; step back, hold off for a moment, remove your emotions, and simply look back at the situation with unbiased clear eyes…

  • Is this a well thought through decision, or am I just being impulsive?
  • If all my emotions were to be removed from this situation, what is the best decision I could make?
  • If I was looking in on this situation from an outsider’s perspective, what would I see and what would be the most suitable decision given my circumstances?
  • If I was to look forward 1 week, 1 month, 1 year into the future and look back on this decision, would I be satisfied with the resulting outcomes, or is there a question-mark that my emotions are hiding from me?

If you have a similar learning experience or would like to add to the list of questions, you may do so by commenting below.

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