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Archive for the ‘Communication’ Category

miWisdom today… Getting angry or upset at others doesn’t normally work to one’s favour, as it creates resistance and throws the other person against you. Not only does the other person now see you as the enemy, they also completely resist what you have to say no matter how much logical sense your argument may have. This ends up being a “no win” situation for both parties. You don’t win because you haven’t been able to get your point across, and the other person doesn’t win because they have not learnt from their mistakes or their lack of understanding. Their Ego has simply impeded on making logical sense of the information that you are attempting to convey across to them.

Instead of getting angry or arguing with the other person, the solution is to simply discuss the matter with them in a very subtle and calm manner. Focus on asking the right kinds of questions that will get this person thinking logically about their situation. These questions must however be very subtle, so much so that the other person doesn’t even realise that you are probing them for these answers. Your goal is to get them thinking in a way that will stimulate questions within them so that they are able to find their own answers.

Focus also on touching the other person emotionally, on making them laugh, or maybe even making them feel a little indirect pain that will trigger their emotional thinking processes. A bit of laughter or tears can easily breakdown a person’s defenses, therefore opening them up to a greater sense of awareness and understanding about their current predicament.

People are much like a rubber-band. The more you pull on it the greater resistance you will have to deal with. And if you pull too quickly and too hard, the rubber-band will snap, and you have lost a unique opportunity to get through to them.  People are also much like a balloon that is blown up and deflated again. Once a balloon is deflated it will never take on its original shape. If you hurt them through your anger and attacking remark, they will lose trust and faith in you no matter what your intentions were or how much logical sense you made. And later when you are sincerely trying to help them, they will resist, and you will not be able to get through to them.

  • What is it that I would like to get across to this person?
  • What strategies can I use to get this information across to them in a way that will minimise resistance?
  • How should I talk, behave and present myself before them?
  • Where would be the most ideal place to discuss this matter with them?
  • What would be the ideal time to discuss this matter with them?
  • How can I get my point across in a logical manner that will get them thinking in new ways?
  • How can I get my point across in a way that will stir up contemplative emotions in the other person?
  • What questions can I ask them that will stimulate their thinking processes?
  • What personal experiences and stories can I share with them that will build a stronger emotional bond between the two of us?
  • How can I best show them that I understand their situation and predicament?
  • How can I lead them towards finding the answers that I would like them to discover for themselves?
  • After my discussion with them, should I give them space and time to contemplate what was discussed? How much time should I allow?
  • If I was them and they were me, how would I like to be approached given the circumstances?

If you have a similar learning experience or would like to add to the list of questions, you may do so by commenting below.

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miWisdom today… One must be very careful as to when, where and how to raise certain topics or issues with other people.The when refers to the timing of your encounter with this other person. Keep in mind that at certain times people will be more receptive to what you have to say than at other times.

The where refers to the place of your encounter with the other person. Keep in mind that the other person will feel different emotions within different environments. You must approach them within an environment that is going to be helpful to your communication.

The how refers to how you will go about communicating your message to the other person. Keep in mind that it’s not so much what you say to the other person but how you say it. However, choose your words carefully especially when discussing sensitive matters.

Another factor to consider is the whom. Whom this person is in the presence of when you are communicating your message to them is of critical importance. At times whom they are in the presence of will assist you in getting your message across, while at other times it may make your communication a little more difficult. Also keep in mind who may be listening to your communication and how this may influence their perceptions of you or the other person.

  • When is the best time to discuss this matter with them?
  • Where is the best location to discuss this matter with them?
  • How should I communicate my message in order to help them best understand my perspective?
  • Do I want to approach them when they are alone or in the presence of other people? What people specifically?
  • What are the potential consequences of my communication strategy?

If you have a similar learning experience or would like to add to the list of questions, you may do so by commenting below.

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miWisdom today… In many instances people have a tendency to over exaggerate or make a bigger deal about a situation or event than is necessary to get their original point across. As they tell their story they seek to be interesting and entertaining to their listening audience.  With this approach, the more that the person who is listening encourages the speaker through excitement and acknowledgement of what they are saying, the more likely the speaker will exaggerate their story even further in a unconscious effort to win the listener over to their way of thinking. Some people know no better and have been conditioned over a long period of time that the only way to get people interested is to exaggerate their words and stories. The truth is that we all probably do this to one extent or another.

  • Do I exaggerate what I say to others, or do I tell it how it is?
  • How could other people be perceiving me when I exaggerate what I say to them?
  • What am I seeking to gain from this type of behaviour?
  • Instead of exaggerating my stories, how else could I get this person excited about what I am telling them about?
  • Do I understand that other people feed off my emotions? If I project enthusiasm, conviction and excitement about what I am saying in the moment, this will be absorbed by the other person who will likely mirror my emotions back.

If you have a similar learning experience or would like to add to the list of questions, you may do so by commenting below.

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miWisdom today… If you allow other people to take advantage of you at the beginning of your relationship with them, they will continue to abuse this power and will take even further advantage of you in the future. It is simply put in a few words – give people a little and they will take a lot”. People become comfortable with the idea that you will be there for them in certain instances. The more comfortable they begin to feel, the more they will ask of you as your relationship with them progresses. This of course isn’t true under all circumstances or conditions, however it is something that one must be aware of whether starting a romantic relationship, friendship or a business association. Draw the line, or it will be drawn for you.

  • What kind of relationship do I want to have with this person?
  • Where will I draw the line in my relationship with them?
  • How can I best express my boundaries to them in an amicable manner?
  • Does this person really care about me, or are they just taking advantage of my good nature?

If you have a similar learning experience or would like to add to the list of questions, you may do so by commenting below.

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miWisdom today… One must watch one’s words and requests that one makes of others. People simply do not like being told what to do. The best approach is rather to ask questions of the other person, and gently lead them to the answers that you would like them to find for themselves. Of course these answers will be exactly what you would have told them anyways. In this way you gain the other person’s respect.

  • What would I like this person to do?
  • How can I pose them a set of questions that will lead them to the answer I want them to find?
  • How can I make this person feel as though this is exactly what they want to do?
  • How can I make this person feel as though this is actually their idea? 🙂

If you have a similar learning experience or would like to add to the list of questions, you may do so by commenting below.

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miWisdom today… People can be incredibly inconsiderate of others when they are too absorbed in their own life, problems, work and agenda. Even with the best of intentions, during these moments they may hurt their relationships with others unintentionally not even thinking twice about their decisions or actions. Soon they will wake up and observe their behaviour in the reflections of those closest to them. However, will it be too late to mend what is now broken?

  • At this moment, am I thinking about ME or WE?
  • What is the best way to show others that I care for them without losing focus on my tasks or objectives?

If you have a similar learning experience or would like to add to the list of questions, you may do so by commenting below.

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miWisdom today… When one begins a venture that involves other people who are put in charge of events and tasks, one must be extremely vigilant at all times to ensure that circumstances don’t get out of hand. Turn your back for a moment, and the entire direction and purpose of the initial vision could change in an instant.

  • Have I set a monitoring system in place to ensure that things are progressing according to plan?
  • Have I outlined all tasks and instructions clearly?
  • Have I received a concrete confirmation and understanding from my people about these tasks?

If you have a similar learning experience or would like to add to the list of questions, you may do so by commenting below.

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