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Archive for the ‘Assistance’ Category

miWisdom today… When people go through periods of great difficulty in their lives, we naturally have a tendency to try and assist them through their problems by providing them with techniques and strategies that we believe will help them overcome their challenges. Is this really the right and just way to go about assisting a person in need?

First of all, what may appear to be the right way around a problem to us may not in fact be the most ideal solution for the other person. Yes, we may well have gone through a similar experience, or we may have heard or read about others overcoming this sort of challenge in their life. Yet, can we rightly justify the act of providing helpful advice without first truly understanding the other person and their experience from absolutely every angle imaginable? Because this is exactly what it will take to provide this person with the right and suitable answers they are after.

When we freely help others, do we even consider the repercussions of our good nature? Is what we are doing for them helping them in the long-term? Is this empowering the other person to overcome other similar challenges in their life without your ongoing support or influence? Or is your act of helping them through this problem actually making them dependent on you now and in the future? There is an old saying which identifies this principle clearly:

“Give a man a fish; you have fed him for today. Teach a man to fish; and you have fed him for a lifetime.”

There is also another saying which states:

“Give a man a fish; you have fed him for today. Teach a man to fish; and you can sell him fishing equipment.” – However, let’s leave that for another time 🙂

When people are in great difficulty they only seek one single “thing” to begin with. This one “thing” is so powerful that it may well be the trigger that will empower them to take the necessary steps and actions to overcome their challenge single-handedly. So what is this one “thing” they seek? It is assurance from someone who can show that they understand their problems and challenges. They are looking to connect with a person who will be there for them as a satellite bouncing ideas back and forth.

Once this person feels comfortable that someone understands them; that they have the support of someone who is supportive of their plight – now you can move onto the next step, which is all about empowering the person from within. To do this, one must learn to lead a conversation by asking the right questions that will allow the other person to think independently and reflect upon their life and circumstances.

Giving advice is much like the act of giving a man a fish. You will feed the person with a solution for today, but what will they have left for tomorrow and the uncertain future that awaits them. However, by asking insightful questions that encourages the other person to think in unique and creative ways, is very much like teaching them to fish.

By guiding the other person to seek their own answers within, is one of the greatest gifts one is able to give to a child, a family member, stranger or friend; because it is one of those gifts that just keeps on giving whether you are in this person’s life or not.

Next time someone is in difficulty, you might find it helpful to ask yourself the following set of questions:

  • How can I provide this person with reassurance that I am there for them in their time of need?
  • How can I show them that I understand them and their situation wholeheartedly?
  • What insightful questions can I ask that will encourage them to think in a unique and creative way about their problems and predicament?
  • What sorts of questions could I ask that may well empower this person to take immediate and positive action today?
  • How else can I show them that I am supportive of their difficulties, problems or challenges without giving advice?

If you have a similar learning experience or would like to add to the list of questions, you may do so by commenting below.

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miWisdom today… When one is angry, that anger is only the external manifestation of a hidden self-conscious emotion trying to express itself, trying to get noticed, while seeking healing, comfort and support.

Instead of getting upset at others because of their anger, it is best to try and understand them, to get a sense as to where they might be hurting, a sense for their hidden pain which is in actuality manifesting externally into angry and potentially hurtful emotions.

The next time a person responds to you in an angry and abrupt manner, ask yourself the following questions:

  • What is the underlying message that they are trying to express?
  • What are they really trying to say on an unconscious level?
  • Where is this person seeking comfort, healing and support?
  • How can I best provide them with this comfort, healing and support?
  • How can I reassure them that they are understood and supported?

If you have a similar learning experience or would like to add to the list of questions, you may do so by commenting below.

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miWisdom today… Getting angry or upset at others doesn’t normally work to one’s favour, as it creates resistance and throws the other person against you. Not only does the other person now see you as the enemy, they also completely resist what you have to say no matter how much logical sense your argument may have. This ends up being a “no win” situation for both parties. You don’t win because you haven’t been able to get your point across, and the other person doesn’t win because they have not learnt from their mistakes or their lack of understanding. Their Ego has simply impeded on making logical sense of the information that you are attempting to convey across to them.

Instead of getting angry or arguing with the other person, the solution is to simply discuss the matter with them in a very subtle and calm manner. Focus on asking the right kinds of questions that will get this person thinking logically about their situation. These questions must however be very subtle, so much so that the other person doesn’t even realise that you are probing them for these answers. Your goal is to get them thinking in a way that will stimulate questions within them so that they are able to find their own answers.

Focus also on touching the other person emotionally, on making them laugh, or maybe even making them feel a little indirect pain that will trigger their emotional thinking processes. A bit of laughter or tears can easily breakdown a person’s defenses, therefore opening them up to a greater sense of awareness and understanding about their current predicament.

People are much like a rubber-band. The more you pull on it the greater resistance you will have to deal with. And if you pull too quickly and too hard, the rubber-band will snap, and you have lost a unique opportunity to get through to them.  People are also much like a balloon that is blown up and deflated again. Once a balloon is deflated it will never take on its original shape. If you hurt them through your anger and attacking remark, they will lose trust and faith in you no matter what your intentions were or how much logical sense you made. And later when you are sincerely trying to help them, they will resist, and you will not be able to get through to them.

  • What is it that I would like to get across to this person?
  • What strategies can I use to get this information across to them in a way that will minimise resistance?
  • How should I talk, behave and present myself before them?
  • Where would be the most ideal place to discuss this matter with them?
  • What would be the ideal time to discuss this matter with them?
  • How can I get my point across in a logical manner that will get them thinking in new ways?
  • How can I get my point across in a way that will stir up contemplative emotions in the other person?
  • What questions can I ask them that will stimulate their thinking processes?
  • What personal experiences and stories can I share with them that will build a stronger emotional bond between the two of us?
  • How can I best show them that I understand their situation and predicament?
  • How can I lead them towards finding the answers that I would like them to discover for themselves?
  • After my discussion with them, should I give them space and time to contemplate what was discussed? How much time should I allow?
  • If I was them and they were me, how would I like to be approached given the circumstances?

If you have a similar learning experience or would like to add to the list of questions, you may do so by commenting below.

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miWisdom today… The most honorable way to assist people in need is to do so in an indirect manner without alluding them to the fact that you were the one who helped them in their time of need. This comes down to the principle of giving without having any expectations of receiving.

People are strange creatures indeed. They seek help from others, however they feel guilty about asking for it. This tendency to shy away from receiving assistance from others comes down to the fact that these people simply don’t want to feel as though they owe something to someone. They also don’t want to show others that they may be inadequate, weak or incapable of not being able to help themselves. These forms of resistance and avoidance create much unhappiness and anguish for many as they go about their daily lives.

By being observant of other people’s needs, and later assisting them when they require it most in an indirect and covert manner, will not only bring a vast array of riches into their life, but also into yours.

The greatest pleasure and satisfaction in life comes from seeing others happy, from watching others fulfilling and living out their dreams. It has been said over the ages that what you sow you will reap, and that what you give to others will come back to you ten-fold.

When you show the Universe that you are willing to give to others without acknowledgement or expectation of anything in return, it not only brings into your life great powers of attraction, but also frees the other person from feeling inferiour or from any obligations they may have to you if they knew where this assistance came from. This indeed is the ultimate gift and the greatest treasure that you can give both to yourself and to others.

  • What is it that this person is lacking in their life that they dearly need? (not “want” but rather need”)
  • What challenges is this person facing? What are they struggling with most in life?
  • What one thing would make the biggest difference in this person’s life today?
  • How can I assist them indirectly and help them to fulfil this need?

If you have a similar learning experience or would like to add to the list of questions, you may do so by commenting below.

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miWisdom today… Holding onto hope is never stupid no matter what anyone else tells you. Hope is like a womb that slowly but surely nurtures a belief into the world. It may take several months or years, but as long as the hope is there, and a will to fight for what one wants most persists, the belief will eventually come through into this world and will likewise propel your hopes into fruition.

  • What is it that I hope will happen?
  • What small steps can I take every single day to bring this hope into fruition sometime in the future?
  • Who can support, assist and guide me along my journey?

If you have a similar learning experience or would like to add to the list of questions, you may do so by commenting below.

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Giving into Guilt

miWisdom today… When people are in a difficult predicament and they ask for your help; the guilt of not helping them pushes you into making a decision to give into their request based on the guilt they have made you feel in the moment.

  • How can I learn to better recognise when others play the guilt card on me?

If you have a similar learning experience or would like to add to the list of questions, you may do so by commenting below.

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The Hidden Agenda

miWisdom today… When people offer their help and assistance out of the blue, it usually means that they have a hidden agenda, especially when they must inconvenience themselves in order to help you out.

  • What exactly is this person’s hidden agenda?
  • By accepting their help right now, what am I likely to potentially lose in the future?

If you have a similar learning experience or would like to add to the list of questions, you may do so by commenting below.

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