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Archive for the ‘Adversity’ Category

miWisdom today… When people go through periods of great difficulty in their lives, we naturally have a tendency to try and assist them through their problems by providing them with techniques and strategies that we believe will help them overcome their challenges. Is this really the right and just way to go about assisting a person in need?

First of all, what may appear to be the right way around a problem to us may not in fact be the most ideal solution for the other person. Yes, we may well have gone through a similar experience, or we may have heard or read about others overcoming this sort of challenge in their life. Yet, can we rightly justify the act of providing helpful advice without first truly understanding the other person and their experience from absolutely every angle imaginable? Because this is exactly what it will take to provide this person with the right and suitable answers they are after.

When we freely help others, do we even consider the repercussions of our good nature? Is what we are doing for them helping them in the long-term? Is this empowering the other person to overcome other similar challenges in their life without your ongoing support or influence? Or is your act of helping them through this problem actually making them dependent on you now and in the future? There is an old saying which identifies this principle clearly:

“Give a man a fish; you have fed him for today. Teach a man to fish; and you have fed him for a lifetime.”

There is also another saying which states:

“Give a man a fish; you have fed him for today. Teach a man to fish; and you can sell him fishing equipment.” – However, let’s leave that for another time 🙂

When people are in great difficulty they only seek one single “thing” to begin with. This one “thing” is so powerful that it may well be the trigger that will empower them to take the necessary steps and actions to overcome their challenge single-handedly. So what is this one “thing” they seek? It is assurance from someone who can show that they understand their problems and challenges. They are looking to connect with a person who will be there for them as a satellite bouncing ideas back and forth.

Once this person feels comfortable that someone understands them; that they have the support of someone who is supportive of their plight – now you can move onto the next step, which is all about empowering the person from within. To do this, one must learn to lead a conversation by asking the right questions that will allow the other person to think independently and reflect upon their life and circumstances.

Giving advice is much like the act of giving a man a fish. You will feed the person with a solution for today, but what will they have left for tomorrow and the uncertain future that awaits them. However, by asking insightful questions that encourages the other person to think in unique and creative ways, is very much like teaching them to fish.

By guiding the other person to seek their own answers within, is one of the greatest gifts one is able to give to a child, a family member, stranger or friend; because it is one of those gifts that just keeps on giving whether you are in this person’s life or not.

Next time someone is in difficulty, you might find it helpful to ask yourself the following set of questions:

  • How can I provide this person with reassurance that I am there for them in their time of need?
  • How can I show them that I understand them and their situation wholeheartedly?
  • What insightful questions can I ask that will encourage them to think in a unique and creative way about their problems and predicament?
  • What sorts of questions could I ask that may well empower this person to take immediate and positive action today?
  • How else can I show them that I am supportive of their difficulties, problems or challenges without giving advice?

If you have a similar learning experience or would like to add to the list of questions, you may do so by commenting below.

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miWidsom today… In times of crisis or when absorbing high doses of stress, you must at the very least appear to be under emotional control, otherwise other people will tend to lose confidence and faith in your abilities. This is especially important if other people are looking up to you or you are seeking to influence others through your behaviors, decisions or actions.

At times of great stress or hardship it is very easy for the human mind to fall prey to negative emotions that can sap one’s energy and make one lose focus of one’s main goals and objectives. During these times people tend to make the worst out of every situation. They tend to filter all events in a very dark and gloomy manner. Hope appears to be lost, they have no idea what to do next, and the resulting effect is that they lose control over their emotions.

Our emotions are like a balance bar of control, they keep us steady and centered even during times of crisis; as long as we are proactively guiding our emotions in a manner that keeps us on target towards our goals and objectives. However, if we suddenly begin to react emotionally to other people, events or circumstances, that is when the balance between our emotions and the control bar is broken. Because we are emotional creatures, we are simply unable to maintain control over something external if internally we are unbalanced and falling apart.

The key towards gaining back emotional control begins on the outside. One must first appear to others as though one is in full emotional control over oneself. This will give other people confidence in your ability to get the job done. This is especially important when you are in a leadership or management position within a company, organization, club or family. The appearance of control is the critical first step towards regaining your balance. When others see that you are not phased by your predicament, they will likewise maintain their poise and will better be able to assist you in this time of need.

Once you have established external emotional balance, you can now move onto the next step which is centering yourself internally. To do this one must learn to better understand oneself as well as the events surrounding one’s situation. The following set of questions may assist you to regain back the balance in your life while focusing you back on your most important goals and objectives:

  • Why am I feeling overwhelmed and stressed at this very moment? – You are defining the problem.
  • What external factors, people or events do I believe are causing this? – You are defining the cause.
  • How specifically is all of this making me feel? – You are defining your emotional state.
  • How do I normally react emotionally to these types of people, events or circumstances? – You are defining your habits.
  • Given my outcomes and goals, what emotions would be most suitable and appropriate to utilize in this situation?
  • How will I gain from experiencing and using these positive emotions?
  • How do I now choose to act proactively in response to these people, events or circumstances?
  • What strategies can I consistently use to ensure that I stay in this emotional proactive state?

If you have a similar learning experience or would like to add to the list of questions, you may do so by commenting below.

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miWisdom today… One’s predicaments do not last forever. It ain’t over till you raise the white flag… until that moment you must fight for all you have till the outcome you seek rests securely in your hands.

Many people start feeling sorry for themselves and they have a tendency to become frustrated and disheartened with the circumstances that life throws their way. Without a network of supportive family and friends, they see little hope and begin to wilt away into the abyss of unfulfilled dreams that have been drained of life and sustenance. Little do they realise that they are just moving through a phase, a challenge of sorts that is teaching them lessons, developing within them habits and beliefs that will eventually allow them to deserve to live a life filled with only their dreams and desires. However, unless we learn from these challenges and adapt to what life throws at us, we will indeed struggle, yo-yoing back and forth from despair to experiences of minor fragments of achievement.

  • What is it exactly that I am currently struggling with?
  • What is life trying to teach me through these experiences?
  • What must I do, and how must I adapt for me to continue to progress along this journey?
  • What new habits and beliefs must I begin adopting into my life in order to make this work?
  • Where can I get further support and assistance with these challenges?

If you have a similar learning experience or would like to add to the list of questions, you may do so by commenting below.

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miWisdom today… If fate has a tendency to put you into inconvenient and uncomfortable situations, you must make a stand, look it straight in the eye, and challenge it head on. Life brings us certain people, events and circumstances in order to challenge us emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally. If we avoid these challenges and attempt to resign to our fate, we will never learn, and therefore fate will come back to visit us all over again until the day we learn to overcome these challenges successfully.

  • What challenges do I face in my daily life that tend to reappear on a constant and consistent basis?
  • Do I tackle these challenges head on, or do I tend to avoid them out of fear or insecurity?
  • What can I learn from the times I tended to avoid these challenges?
  • What will I do next time a challenge of this nature forces me into a corner?
  • Do I understand that doing the same thing will almost always get me the same result?

If you have a similar learning experience or would like to add to the list of questions, you may do so by commenting below.

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miWisdom today… When the chips are down and bad luck befalls people, they have a tendency to feel sorry for themselves. They wilt away into their comfort zones and everything begins to take on insurmountable proportions making reality look a lot more disheartening than it actually is.

  • Is this how reality is, or is it my perception of reality based on my current emotional state?
  • What would an outsider’s perception be of my reality? How different would they see it?
  • Do I understand that I am not helping myself by wilting away into my comfort zone?
  • What can I do in the moment to move me a very small step closer towards righting the wrongs?

If you have a similar learning experience or would like to add to the list of questions, you may do so by commenting below.

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miWisdom today… There is always a way around a difficult situation that at first appears to be a dead end. One must know how to use people’s emotions, beliefs and commitments against them. In short, one must find a way to stir the pot a little, therefore creating a domino effect where one ends up getting what one wants.

  • What gets this person going emotionally?
  • How can I stir up and awaken these emotions in a way that will be helpful to my cause?
  • How can I subtly attack their beliefs that will cause them to lose their guard?
  • How can I pressure their commitments to further my cause and help myself out of this situation?

If you have a similar learning experience or would like to add to the list of questions, you may do so by commenting below.

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miWisdom today… When people are completely overwhelmed with their predicament, they will always look at the quickest and easiest way out of their situation despite possible consequences.

  • Let’s hang on a moment… before I move forward, what are the possible consequences here?
  • What are the consequences for myself, others, and life in general?
  • Is it worth following this path, or is there a better way that I haven’t thought of yet?

If you have a similar learning experience or would like to add to the list of questions, you may do so by commenting below.

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