miWisdom today… Over long periods of time we invest a lot of time and emotional energy into other people. If suddenly these people were to betray us, it would no doubt hurt, and questions would need to be answered…
- Can I still trust this person?
- Can I learn to forgive them for their betrayal?
- Can I learn to forget this incident?
Whether we can trust, forgive or forget all depends on the levels of our emotional investment we have given to this person over a lifetime and especially over recent times.
All our decisions, behaviours and actions in such instances will be influenced by the strength of our emotional bonds. When these bonds are solid and strong, we will continue to trust, forgive and probably forget. Is this right or wrong? Well that depends on the situation. What we must however be aware of, is that we are acting purely out of our personal emotional history with this person.
For instance, if two people were to betray us in exactly the same fashion, we would indeed look at their betrayal in a different light. The person with whom we invested a large amount of positive emotional energy over a long period of time, will more easily be forgiven, and the act forgotten. Yet the other person whom we invested little positive emotional energy may very well never be forgiven for their acts. The acts and intentions of these two people are exactly the same, yet our emotional connections dramatically alter our perceptions of their acts. Is one person’s act any better or worse than another? It all comes down to our perspective, and that emotional perspective is what we must keep in mind when confronted with betrayal.
When suddenly betrayed by another person, it might be helpful to ask yourself the following questions, after which you may better be able to determine whether to trust, forgive or forget…
- What was the person’s real intention? – sometimes our intentions don’t mean to hurt others.
- Is this an isolated incident or does this person have a history of partaking in these kinds of acts?
- What is the level of my emotional bond with this person?
- How is this bond affecting my perspective of this situation?
- If I had a low level emotional connection with this person, how would I feel about their act at this very moment?
- If I had a very high level emotional connection with this person, how would I feel about their act at this very moment?
- If I was to separate myself from this emotional connection and look at this situation from an outsiders perspective, how would I feel about it?
- Should I allow my personal history or lack of personal history with this person to affect my perspective of this incident?
- What is it that really matters most here? Is it my dignity and pride, or is keeping this relationship moving forward more important?
- Given all the benefits I have gained from this relationship over time, should I allow this one incident to tarnish a history of goodwill that have benefited both of us in so many ways?
- What needs to happen specifically for me to learn to trust and forgive this person? Can I learn ever to forget?
If you have a similar learning experience or would like to add to the list of questions, you may do so by commenting below.
